[Maybe suffering will make everything better, somehow. He doesn't know. It's just telling himself, over and over, that somehow, he needs to make up for everything he isn't.]
I...I don't want to let anyone down, Lalli. But I'm so scared, every moment of every day, that I will.
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[He feels like he deserves it.]
[He feels like he needs to suffer.]
[Maybe suffering will make everything better, somehow. He doesn't know. It's just telling himself, over and over, that somehow, he needs to make up for everything he isn't.]
I...I don't want to let anyone down, Lalli. But I'm so scared, every moment of every day, that I will.
I just...want to do my best.