You say that, but I never knew you as a human. I only know you as you are now. And all I'm going to remember- assuming I outlive you- is what you've done here.
[Maybe suffering will make everything better, somehow. He doesn't know. It's just telling himself, over and over, that somehow, he needs to make up for everything he isn't.]
I...I don't want to let anyone down, Lalli. But I'm so scared, every moment of every day, that I will.
[Luckily it's not memshare week so Mandi won't get slammed with a rude memory, but instead he just gets the feeling that Lalli is going "oh same hat".]
"No mistakes." That's what I grew up hearing. That the scouts in my family have an important job, and it's so important that we have to be perfect at it. Because people die when scouts make mistakes. So, "no mistakes."
[Lalli sounds like he knows what kind of responsibilities he holds. And that's right. In order to move forward, one must cross all obstacles. Even if the obstacle is yourself.]
And...yeah. Yeah, it is. [And he looks over at the other.] Does it...ever get easier?
[His emotions give him away. He's embarrassed for being called cool and has gone all grumpy because of it. But he actually likes the praise, even if he can't admit to it.]
But that's what I mean. People usually see the weird first.
[A pause, and there's a shift in Lalli's attitude. He's not mad or anything here, just slightly weird-feeling because nobody's called him cool before. New things mean not knowing how to feel.]
...if you want to call me cool, then that's alright. It's just strange, I'm not used to it.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
silentscout) wrote2021-06-15 02:56 pm
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I'm just nothing but a magical copy that's fated to disappear soon, anyways.
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[Yeah, maybe there's a point, there.]
I'm just...tired of believing I'm disappointing people.
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[...................]
[.......................................]
N...o?
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[There is a sense of...not sympathy exactly, but understanding. It's fine, it's something he struggles with too.]
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...It's hard not to listen to, sometimes.
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[He feels like he deserves it.]
[He feels like he needs to suffer.]
[Maybe suffering will make everything better, somehow. He doesn't know. It's just telling himself, over and over, that somehow, he needs to make up for everything he isn't.]
I...I don't want to let anyone down, Lalli. But I'm so scared, every moment of every day, that I will.
I just...want to do my best.
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[Luckily it's not memshare week so Mandi won't get slammed with a rude memory, but instead he just gets the feeling that Lalli is going "oh same hat".]
"No mistakes." That's what I grew up hearing. That the scouts in my family have an important job, and it's so important that we have to be perfect at it. Because people die when scouts make mistakes. So, "no mistakes."
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[And a necessary responsibility, with lives at stake.]
In the midst of a plague...there's no room for error, huh.
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...the first time I made a mistake, four people died. Mistakes like that can't keep happening.
I get it, I really do. But it sounds like your enemy isn't out in the wilds, but up here.
[He points to Mandricardo's forehead.]
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[Lalli sounds like he knows what kind of responsibilities he holds. And that's right. In order to move forward, one must cross all obstacles. Even if the obstacle is yourself.]
And...yeah. Yeah, it is. [And he looks over at the other.] Does it...ever get easier?
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Eventually. Just like anything else, you have to practice.
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[He's been getting practice here, hasn't he?]
...Hm. You have a lot of experience with this kinda thing, Lalli. It's admirable.
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Don't be weird about it! It's just how it is.
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[And a light smile.]
You're pretty cool, you know.
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Well now I'm never talking to you again!
[His emotions give him away. He's embarrassed for being called cool and has gone all grumpy because of it. But he actually likes the praise, even if he can't admit to it.]
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W-What? I'm not makin' fun of you, I swear! I mean it!
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[Huff huff he's trying to explain it but he's never been good at explaining himself.]
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[CLEARLY A SOLUTION]
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I don't think most people would. You know I sleep under beds, right?
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[A pause, and there's a shift in Lalli's attitude. He's not mad or anything here, just slightly weird-feeling because nobody's called him cool before. New things mean not knowing how to feel.]
...if you want to call me cool, then that's alright. It's just strange, I'm not used to it.
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[And he thinks about it for a moment.]
If you wanted to be called anything, what would you be called?
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