PCs with Mandricardo

[silentscout]

MANDI SHITPOST LATER

Comments

[silentscout]

[Lalli being too self-conscious is so funny.]

No, it's fine. You miss him, right? So you should talk about him. People don't really 'die' until the living stop talking about them anyway.

[duranduel]

Yeah.

[There's a long pause.]

In my life, I messed up when it came to how I grieved. My father died, and I...lost myself. [A shake of the head.] Unlike that time, there's no battles to lose myself in. And I...want to grieve properly. I'm afraid I'll go insane if I don't.

[silentscout]

Just bury it deep in your heart and ignore it. It gets easier as time passes.

[Lalli no that's not healthy at all.

Though the way he's speaking with such authority on the subject of "loved ones dying" might be concerning.]

[duranduel]

[He's furrowing his eyebrows at that. Yeah, that is NOT healthy.]

I actually...think that might be worse, Lalli. It may seem like its easier, I think, but...it hurts worse when you dig it up.

[silentscout]

That's why you bury it deep and don't dig it up.

[duranduel]

Grief doesn't always stay buried. Like, something will always remind you at some point about that person, right?

[silentscout]

Is that what you're feeling now?

[duranduel]

[A nod.]

I just expect him to pop up with that dumb look on his face like. Pretending he's not dead. Even though I know he is.

[silentscout]

Maybe you can go pick him up from daycare.

[The one thing saving Lalli from a complete mental breakdown here: the fact that the dead might not actually be fully dead.]

[duranduel]

[....]

And what if we mess up and that doesn't happen?

[silentscout]

Then we die a little sooner than we would have before.

[It's hard not to regard death so lightly when you're from a death world.]

We all die. What's important is making your death matter.

[duranduel]

...

In a place like this, does our death even matter, Lalli?

[silentscout]

Yes.

[He says that immediately, and firmly.]

Our last moments define the legacy we leave behind for those who come after us. I don't know about you I'm not going to have my legacy end up being "he was a coward who accepted his death without accomplishing anything of note". If I have to die, I'm going to make it count.

[duranduel]

Ha. Haha.

[Oh, that's a deadpan laugh from Mandricardo - his eyes are dark.]

I died in a valiant duel against a man who I thought I could easily defeat. I was mighty, and ferocious, and fought with all my skills.

[...]

And then I died even after all of that, even after using all my strength, and it didn't mean a thing. My legacy was nothing. It's nothing. So "our last moments define the legacy we leave behind...?" What is that crap?

[silentscout]

It's not crap. That wasn't your last moment. You're HERE, aren't you?

[duranduel]

That was my last moment of my human life. And my human life was made worthless in an instant. I have no legacy.

I'm just nothing but a magical copy that's fated to disappear soon, anyways.

[silentscout]

You say that, but I never knew you as a human. I only know you as you are now. And all I'm going to remember- assuming I outlive you- is what you've done here.

[duranduel]

...

[Yeah, maybe there's a point, there.]

I'm just...tired of believing I'm disappointing people.

[silentscout]

You're not disappointing people. That's your brain lying to you to make you miserable. Has anyone even told you that you disappoint them?

[duranduel]

[...]

[...................]


[.......................................]

N...o?

[silentscout]

Then it's your brain trying to sabotage you. Stop listening to it when it tells you things like that.

[There is a sense of...not sympathy exactly, but understanding. It's fine, it's something he struggles with too.]

[duranduel]

[He's quiet for a long moment.]

...It's hard not to listen to, sometimes.

[silentscout]

Mmm, it is. But you have to try. Because if you don't, you'll keep hurting yourself like this.

[duranduel]

...

[He feels like he deserves it.]

[He feels like he needs to suffer.]

[Maybe suffering will make everything better, somehow. He doesn't know. It's just telling himself, over and over, that somehow, he needs to make up for everything he isn't.]

I...I don't want to let anyone down, Lalli. But I'm so scared, every moment of every day, that I will.

I just...want to do my best.

[silentscout]

...I know, I get it.

[Luckily it's not memshare week so Mandi won't get slammed with a rude memory, but instead he just gets the feeling that Lalli is going "oh same hat".]

"No mistakes." That's what I grew up hearing. That the scouts in my family have an important job, and it's so important that we have to be perfect at it. Because people die when scouts make mistakes. So, "no mistakes."