PCs with Mandricardo

[silentscout]

MANDI SHITPOST LATER

Comments

[duranduel]

[Aww, Kissa. His smile widens when he reaches out to gently pat her on the head.]

...Yeah. [He says, like an admission.] Yeah, I am.

[silentscout]

[He pulls out his phone.]

If you want, when you're done petting Kissa, I can use my sensory deprivation coupon on you. Then you won't feel anything for a day.

[But petting Kissa comes first, because Mandi deserves to feel the rumbling purrs that come from her when she sprawls over his lap for pets.]

[duranduel]

...No, it's fine.

[He seems reluctant, and...a bit guilty, with that?]

[He's wincing a little at the pressure, but warm cat is good.]

I never did ask. How have you been, Lalli...? I mean. Besides. All of that the last two days.

[silentscout]

[Mandi your guilt? Lalli is a touch confused, but he won't ask.]

I think everyone has had a bad last couple of days. But before Friday it was...nice, I suppose. Sometimes during the week it's easy to forget how horrible the weekends are.

[duranduel]

Ha.

[A short laugh, without feeling.]

Feels like forever ago that we had that date auction.

[silentscout]

Mmm.

[It's the closest Lalli had to a laugh without feeling. A 'mmm' without feeling.]

Thinking about something from then?

[duranduel]

Eh.

[He shrugs at that.]

I just...remember Wang Lu taking me to the buffet. [And now sadness comes again.] He shows me a picture that told me that...ha. His "handholding rights" were for me, and me alone.

[silentscout]

[Oh no not the sadness.]

Probably because you're special to him. Sometimes people are like that, they only like touching specific people.

[So says someone who is like that too.]

[duranduel]

...

I've never felt like anyone ever saw me as...special, in that way.

[silentscout]

Well, he did.

[Implying that nobody else does. Or maybe not, Lalli isn't THAT mean.]

And if he saw something special, then there's something special there.

[duranduel]

[A huff. He shifts his head to snuggle against Kissa, a little.]

I think everyone...deserves to have someone think they're special, honestly.

[Best feeling in the world! If that person ISN'T DEAD.]

[silentscout]

...why are you saying this?

[Like if Mandi is missing Wang Lu and needs support that's one thing, but Lalli is suspicious of Mandi's motives here.

Partially because of Things and him hoping that he's not being obvious, he's very self-conscious about it.]

[duranduel]

...Huh? What do you mean, "why"?

[he is]

[genuinely confused]

[he has literally no ic idea about lalli and kon i am crying]

I-I'm sorry. I'm just...thinking about him. I shouldn't have brought it up.

[silentscout]

[Lalli being too self-conscious is so funny.]

No, it's fine. You miss him, right? So you should talk about him. People don't really 'die' until the living stop talking about them anyway.

[duranduel]

Yeah.

[There's a long pause.]

In my life, I messed up when it came to how I grieved. My father died, and I...lost myself. [A shake of the head.] Unlike that time, there's no battles to lose myself in. And I...want to grieve properly. I'm afraid I'll go insane if I don't.

[silentscout]

Just bury it deep in your heart and ignore it. It gets easier as time passes.

[Lalli no that's not healthy at all.

Though the way he's speaking with such authority on the subject of "loved ones dying" might be concerning.]

[duranduel]

[He's furrowing his eyebrows at that. Yeah, that is NOT healthy.]

I actually...think that might be worse, Lalli. It may seem like its easier, I think, but...it hurts worse when you dig it up.

[silentscout]

That's why you bury it deep and don't dig it up.

[duranduel]

Grief doesn't always stay buried. Like, something will always remind you at some point about that person, right?

[silentscout]

Is that what you're feeling now?

[duranduel]

[A nod.]

I just expect him to pop up with that dumb look on his face like. Pretending he's not dead. Even though I know he is.

[silentscout]

Maybe you can go pick him up from daycare.

[The one thing saving Lalli from a complete mental breakdown here: the fact that the dead might not actually be fully dead.]

[duranduel]

[....]

And what if we mess up and that doesn't happen?

[silentscout]

Then we die a little sooner than we would have before.

[It's hard not to regard death so lightly when you're from a death world.]

We all die. What's important is making your death matter.

[duranduel]

...

In a place like this, does our death even matter, Lalli?