[Lalli is going to send him a picture. Kon will be able to tell that Lalli is hiding under a bed and has his blanket-hoodie covering him, as only his eyes and nose are visible. And it looks like he was crying before since his eyes are a little puffy, but he's not crying right now.]
It's better to say it when I'm smiling anyway.
[Nooooo crying!]
How long should I wait before apologizing to everyone at your dorm for wasting so much time at the trial?
[ kon doesn't save it, because he won't keep the hard copy of the memory. but he does take a picture of his own and send it back, expression tired but smile small and half-hearted. (his eyes are red, dark circles all the more obvious, and he's in the dark - and it's not of winter dorm. it looks like it might be the STEM lab.) ]
i like it best when you smile. i feel like i earned it.
[ which is true. ]
give them time to be angry. i'll let you know when they've cooled off. i think everybody is going to be pretty torn up until after expulsion ends, anyways.
[Oh, that's a sad image. It must have been so hard on him, if he was crying. (He's assuming Kon was crying.) But as hard as it is, it gives Lalli a bit of motivation too: to not see Kon like that again.]
It always is.
...I wasn't thinking about anyone else's losses, or who anyone else was trying to protect. I was so focused on protecting my people.
I'm not going to apologize for that either, because I wasn't wrong to protect the people I care about. But I will apologize for not being upfront and saying what my problem was at the start, so we could work around it.
[ hard not to cry from frustration and grief when you get a letter from the woman who became something like a mother to you in the weeks since you were given memories of being a family with her for years. kon is miserable, right now, feeling how futile things are. but he puts on the smile to make it look a little like he's got his shit together. ]
they'll get it. especially since there was no outcome that would come around that wouldn't hurt someone, somehow. they just need the time to process it, to be angry, to grieve.
we all do. and the fact you were protecting a killer - after what happened to the others, after the implication that we're meant to protect them, that they're trying to save us... you should've said something. but i get why you didn't, and why you did what you did.
[Kon, continuing to be one of the strongest people here.
And Lalli really, really appreciates that Kon gets him. It's one less battle he has to fight. While Lalli would accept anger from most people here- even with his stunted social skills he can understand that different deaths hit people differently and not everyone will agree with who Lalli is choosing to prioritize- Kon is one of the few that he would be genuinely upset over if their bond broke irreparably.]
I can wait. Death always takes time to accept.
[At least being from a deathworld means he can accept death more easily?]
I won't push them. I just didn't want you left in an awkward place.
[ is he? kon doesn't feel like he is. he feels like he's 16 and in over his head, a feeling that wiwaldi has instilled in him far too many times.
but he pushes his way through it, in and out of the spiraling panic attack that he's been staving off. he focuses on the texts on his phone, focuses on lalli, and tries not to chase the despair of this place. breathe in, breathe out. hold, one, two, three - ]
i won't let that happen. it's ok.
[ he'll make sure everyone understands, the way he does. ]
[For as much as Kon supports Lalli through all this shit he's having trouble handling, maybe it's Kon's turn to be supported. Lalli would very much like to help him in ways beyond 'take his mind off of everything for a while.']
Okay. I believe you.
[He's going to keep saying that, over and over, because he gets the feeling that Kon wants to be believed.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2021-07-25 03:04 am (UTC)we'll walk at graduation.
we'll reach the end, with everybody, and we'll find that train.
this story will end without us having to lose anyone else.
[ a beat, and then: ]
だいすき
no subject
Date: 2021-07-25 03:09 am (UTC)[of course he's going to ask lmao]
no subject
Date: 2021-07-25 03:09 am (UTC)olet tärkeä.
no subject
Date: 2021-07-25 03:23 am (UTC)That's something you should say to my face, not over text.
no subject
Date: 2021-07-25 03:27 am (UTC)can't see your face right now.
i'll say it to you on monday.
[ so that it's not ruined by expulsion ]
no subject
Date: 2021-07-25 03:35 am (UTC)It's better to say it when I'm smiling anyway.
[Nooooo crying!]
How long should I wait before apologizing to everyone at your dorm for wasting so much time at the trial?
no subject
Date: 2021-07-25 03:40 am (UTC)i like it best when you smile. i feel like i earned it.
[ which is true. ]
give them time to be angry.
i'll let you know when they've cooled off.
i think everybody is going to be pretty torn up until after expulsion ends, anyways.
no subject
Date: 2021-07-25 03:44 am (UTC)It always is.
...I wasn't thinking about anyone else's losses, or who anyone else was trying to protect. I was so focused on protecting my people.
I'm not going to apologize for that either, because I wasn't wrong to protect the people I care about. But I will apologize for not being upfront and saying what my problem was at the start, so we could work around it.
no subject
Date: 2021-07-25 04:05 am (UTC)they'll get it. especially since there was no outcome that would come around that wouldn't hurt someone, somehow. they just need the time to process it, to be angry, to grieve.
we all do. and the fact you were protecting a killer - after what happened to the others, after the implication that we're meant to protect them, that they're trying to save us... you should've said something. but i get why you didn't, and why you did what you did.
no subject
Date: 2021-07-25 04:28 am (UTC)And Lalli really, really appreciates that Kon gets him. It's one less battle he has to fight. While Lalli would accept anger from most people here- even with his stunted social skills he can understand that different deaths hit people differently and not everyone will agree with who Lalli is choosing to prioritize- Kon is one of the few that he would be genuinely upset over if their bond broke irreparably.]
I can wait. Death always takes time to accept.
[At least being from a deathworld means he can accept death more easily?]
I won't push them. I just didn't want you left in an awkward place.
no subject
Date: 2021-07-25 05:21 am (UTC)but he pushes his way through it, in and out of the spiraling panic attack that he's been staving off. he focuses on the texts on his phone, focuses on lalli, and tries not to chase the despair of this place. breathe in, breathe out. hold, one, two, three - ]
i won't let that happen. it's ok.
[ he'll make sure everyone understands, the way he does. ]
no subject
Date: 2021-07-25 04:55 pm (UTC)Okay. I believe you.
[He's going to keep saying that, over and over, because he gets the feeling that Kon wants to be believed.]