[The costume is traded out for a normal school uniform, albeit with his cloak over it, and now Lalli is walking through the classroom building halls. He sees the door to bee class and immediately walks past it, he's not messing around with bees again. But while he's walking, he notices someone else in the building!
What class is Mandi going to? Or avoiding, maybe.]
[He's tearing out a piece of paper from the textbook (which is blank, because this IS a paper airplane-making class, and presumably has paper available in it for said plane-making) and working on folding one on one of the desks.]
So it's like...this. Fold it in half...then diagonally...same with the other side...
[And bam, a regular paper airplane. He holds it up.]
Then, you, uh...toss it like this.
[And it glides! And hits the whiteboard in the classroom and falls. But it did glide!]
[Lalli follows along with those steps carefully, paying attention to what Mandricardo is doing. Then, after the paper airplane is thrown, he walks over to go pick it up.
As he stretches out his hand to get it, the sleeve of the school uniform he's wearing pulls back from his wrist slightly, showing the end of a glowing word. The only part he can see is the first letter though: W. And when he picks up the airplane and stands up again, the letter is hidden once more.]
I'd describe it like that. Apparently in the modern era, they have giant planes that can hold lots of people. They powered by things like electricity and fuel, though.
[He's going to abruptly step over to Mandricardo and try to place his hand against the man's chest. He's checking for a heartbeat, but fuuuuuuuck explaining things!]
[Honestly the touching-thing has helped make Lalli look much nicer than he usually looks. He's also starting to learn to stop talking while he's ahead, which helps keep him from insulting people.]
[Well, well, well, its the Emo Sad Boy, who's just out here sitting against a tree in the orchard, just rubbing off some dirt from his armor with a cloth. He also has a dunce hat on for some reason?]
[Lalli's emotions are similar, with a touch of frustration at not being able to figure it out, plus everything seems to be filtered through some sort of fog. It's like his emotions aren't as strong.]
It does have weird colored bumps on it. Maybe that's what makes it special.
[He will head on over to the infirmary! He's got Kissa in his arms, so when he peeks in Kissa is also peeking in. Two sets of eyes, peering at Mandricardo.]
[Mandricardo is not crispy, but...he's definitely not back to what he usually was. His face is still somewhat burned, with visible bandages going underneath his loose shirt, wrapped around his arm and palms of his hand.]
[Mandi your guilt? Lalli is a touch confused, but he won't ask.]
I think everyone has had a bad last couple of days. But before Friday it was...nice, I suppose. Sometimes during the week it's easy to forget how horrible the weekends are.
I just...remember Wang Lu taking me to the buffet. [And now sadness comes again.] He shows me a picture that told me that...ha. His "handholding rights" were for me, and me alone.
In my life, I messed up when it came to how I grieved. My father died, and I...lost myself. [A shake of the head.] Unlike that time, there's no battles to lose myself in. And I...want to grieve properly. I'm afraid I'll go insane if I don't.
Our last moments define the legacy we leave behind for those who come after us. I don't know about you I'm not going to have my legacy end up being "he was a coward who accepted his death without accomplishing anything of note". If I have to die, I'm going to make it count.
[Oh, that's a deadpan laugh from Mandricardo - his eyes are dark.]
I died in a valiant duel against a man who I thought I could easily defeat. I was mighty, and ferocious, and fought with all my skills.
[...]
And then I died even after all of that, even after using all my strength, and it didn't mean a thing. My legacy was nothing. It's nothing. So "our last moments define the legacy we leave behind...?" What is that crap?
You say that, but I never knew you as a human. I only know you as you are now. And all I'm going to remember- assuming I outlive you- is what you've done here.
[Maybe suffering will make everything better, somehow. He doesn't know. It's just telling himself, over and over, that somehow, he needs to make up for everything he isn't.]
I...I don't want to let anyone down, Lalli. But I'm so scared, every moment of every day, that I will.
[Luckily it's not memshare week so Mandi won't get slammed with a rude memory, but instead he just gets the feeling that Lalli is going "oh same hat".]
"No mistakes." That's what I grew up hearing. That the scouts in my family have an important job, and it's so important that we have to be perfect at it. Because people die when scouts make mistakes. So, "no mistakes."
[Lalli sounds like he knows what kind of responsibilities he holds. And that's right. In order to move forward, one must cross all obstacles. Even if the obstacle is yourself.]
And...yeah. Yeah, it is. [And he looks over at the other.] Does it...ever get easier?
[His emotions give him away. He's embarrassed for being called cool and has gone all grumpy because of it. But he actually likes the praise, even if he can't admit to it.]
But that's what I mean. People usually see the weird first.
[A pause, and there's a shift in Lalli's attitude. He's not mad or anything here, just slightly weird-feeling because nobody's called him cool before. New things mean not knowing how to feel.]
...if you want to call me cool, then that's alright. It's just strange, I'm not used to it.
[Here comes a boy! Mandricardo seems to just be casually going around campus, drinking a hot chocolate. When he sees Lalli around the dorms, he stops for a moment, before giving a little wave.]
[It's true, he is loitering between all of the dorms. And every time someone heads to one of the dorms he nods to himself, like he's keeping track of everyone. But he'll talk to Mandi while doing this.]
I feel less bad about killing trolls than I would about killing people. Others feel less bad about killing people attacking them than they do about someone they attack. The situation matters.
Because....when you get, uh, heated...with someone you love....and you bite them in the throes of passion, it. Er. Leaves a mark like that. On their skin. Which I saw.
[I am so, so sorry. But Mandi is going to get a brief glimpse of Kon and Lalli kissingpretty enthusiastically on a couch in Fall dorm, and then of Lalli abruptly pulling away from Kon. He can't not remember it, and now it's inflicted on Mandi too.
Lalli makes a slightly uncomfortable noise before speaking again.]
...are we doing it wrong if there wasn't any throes of passion?
[This is distressing to him, someone who has absolutely no sex education whatsoever.]
It isn't you being weird. I mean, yeah. Kissing isn't all that sex is. But people have different wants and needs when it comes to that stuff. You aren't weird if there's things you are and aren't comfortable with, y'know?
[It's still weird, having his insecurities heard so clearly and addressed. And Lalli is tempted to respond by avoiding that point entirely, but it won't actually help much at all.]
I don't know anything about it.
[He's actually not being dismissive, he's honestly admitting to knowing nothing.]
[Hoooo. Yeah. Awkward topic, but...he's not the type to leave Lalli behind on this.]
Let's find a place to sit and you can, um, ask me questions, okay? Though I'll warn ya, coming here was the first time I did it with a guy. I only had experience with women when I was alive.
[There's a lot he wants to know that he's probably never going to ask, because Lalli is private like that. But knowing enough not to go in blind is probably best.]
...how, I guess? You don't have to give details, but just. It's two men. And no vaginas. ...at least not in this case.
[His understanding of sex is very much from procreation standpoint, sorry.]
[Mandricardo is the type of friend who like. Bypasses his own social anxiety if he sees someone else suffering from Anxiety like no. Stop that.]
Lalli...I mean, sex can be about just askin' for it...but most of the time, it's a natural thing that sort of happens as like...a progression of things. Like, um. You kissing Kon at that party. Were you feelin' overwhelmed?
[It's too bad that this isn't emotionshare week because then Lalli could just share how utterly uncomfortable he feels when being touched most of the time. As it is, the words too much come across clearly in his mind, which is the best way he can think of to describe what happens.]
Mhmm. It was weird, we hold hands and kiss all the time and it's not a problem, but that-
[-like wearing an itchy shirt and just wanting to rip it off but you can't because it's your own skin-]
Of course it does! If you are uncomfortable if it goes too fast...there's nothing wrong with slowing it down. Sometimes, to just explore someone else's body and allowing yourself to get comfortable with it in return...that's incredibly intimate.
The point is...if Kon really loves and respects you, he should be fine taking it at the pace you want to.
[And he's looking seriously at Lalli.]
If he ever makes you feel like you're forced into it, or he makes you uncomfortable just so he can get what he wants out of ya...you have every right to leave and tell him to fuck off, okay?
He has to respect you, but you have to respect him too. Running away is like...slappin' him in the face. Believe me, I know how hard it is to say stuff, but...if you love him, you should try to.
[Flashbacks to how he keeps tucking himself against Kon and holding his hand when he's worried or anxious. Kon's so much bigger than him that it's easy to do.]
That makes Lalli smirk, and then he takes off too. He's not strong, but he's fast and soon enough he'll be catching up to Mandi. Agility Rank A, meet Agility Rank S.]
[Well, here he's coming out of the woods! Mandricardo is wiping his cheeks as he walks, obviously from tears. It's fine. He's fine. Though...he startles slightly when he sees Lalli.]
Oh! Oh. Sorry. Hey, Lalli. My...mind's all over the place.
[It wasn't Kon. But Lalli quickly shoves that thought out of his mind, because wow now he feels guilty. Manwol was his friend and dormmate, and Sakyou was alright.]
[Well, here is Mandricardo, vibing near the Summer Dorm. He's just enjoying the nice day, or at least, he's just sitting on the steps looking out thoughtfully.]
[There's a slight wince in his expression - the echo of an Mandricardo from weeks ago, perhaps, too scared to make people upset. But now, he's just tired. He's very tired.]
I don't think you're a bad person, Lalli. And I'm...really happy for you and Kon.
[He is, sincerely. He still is.]
But what you pulled yesterday was a dumbass move. And I hope you understand that. I get where it was coming from, but...the point stands.
[He kind of gets people feeling strong emotions at the moment, but Lalli is also one who, despite being prickly to strangers, doesn't genuinely hate anyone. And he doesn't understand why one bad weekend (from his point of view) would get this kind of a reaction. Especially if Mandi is saying he doesn't think Lalli is a bad person.]
But I was always told "you don't have to understand the 'why'. Just do it." So if it's what you're saying, I'll listen to you.
...I just.......I'm tired of people walking all over me. I'm tired of people letting themselves be selfish. And that's...not a bad thing. But if they want what they want, and I don't agree with that, I'm tired of making excuses for them. I'm tired of pretending I'm not hurt.
Then be hurt. Say you're hurting. That's okay. It's not selfish to say that.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry that we ended up in a place where someone had to get hurt, and that I'm the one who made you hurt because of it. And I'm sorry that I can't understand you better than I do. That I can't always see you're hurting just by looking at you, and that sometimes you have to tell me for me to get it.
It's not about you, Lalli! It's about me. It's just about me.
[He shakes his head.]
Imagine if...someone killed Kon. And then because you...felt like you had to, you just shoved everything back! You pretended it was okay! And people just let you feel that, because it was so nice for them not to have to acknowledge that. I was the one who didn't speak up! I was the one who failed myself....I did...
[Lalli tries to keep the thoughts from coming through, but Mandi might be able to catch a stray thought of -they never asked, even after we buried her- before he pinches at the bridge of his nose to chase the thought away. And when he looks to Mandi, it's with a sad sort of acceptance.]
It changed everything. But it was easier to pretend everything was okay than it was to try and communicate through a language barrier.
[He doesn't have to imagine a 'what if' situation here.]
You didn't fail yourself. You were hurting and did what you could to keep going, right? That's not failure, that's survival.
[So Lalli understands that...he gives him a sympathetic look.]
Survival can mean only so much when you're sabotaging yourself every day, Lalli. It feels like I've been cutting off pieces of myself just to make everyone happy.
[And he's done with that. He's become bitter. He doesn't want to be selfless anymore.]
People have their own loved ones. Their own worlds. I'm not going to sacrifice myself anymore just to see if I can be a part of that.
...if you've made up your mind on it then I'll leave it be. I don't want you to cut off pieces of yourself just so we can keep being friends. It's not fair to you.
[He is internally panicking because he has absolutely no idea if he should step in to help Mandi or if this is one of those times he should walk away. His brain is saying "he already told you what to do" and his heart is saying "oh no my friend is crying I have to help".
He might regret it later but for now he's going to listen to his heart, and he pulls the sleeve of his shirt up over his thumb and steps in to try and dry Mandi's tears. But he's also moving slowly enough for Mandi to tell him no if he doesn't want help.]
Just...just give me some time, okay, Lalli? [Because his emotions are really doing a number on him from those thoughts, wow!!] Just...give me some time....
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
silentscout) wrote2021-06-15 02:56 pm
Week 1, Tuesday
What class is Mandi going to? Or avoiding, maybe.]
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This is harder than it looks...
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What's hard about folding a paper?
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[He reaches for a book out of his bookbag, and shows Lalli this.]
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Is that a 'plane'?
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[Like metal birds]
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[Even if Mandricardo can't do it yet, Lalli is still kind of impressed.]
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It's...cool, actually...
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[It sounds pretty cool and he wants to see it, there's no flying machines in his world.]
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[And he'll just walk forward to one of the classrooms that he knows isn't being used right now.]
I know how to make a simple one. So I'll show that for ya.
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[He follows easily because yes, learning new skills. Somehow it's acceptable to learn from a person rather than a teacher.]
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So it's like...this. Fold it in half...then diagonally...same with the other side...
[And bam, a regular paper airplane. He holds it up.]
Then, you, uh...toss it like this.
[And it glides! And hits the whiteboard in the classroom and falls. But it did glide!]
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As he stretches out his hand to get it, the sleeve of the school uniform he's wearing pulls back from his wrist slightly, showing the end of a glowing word. The only part he can see is the first letter though: W. And when he picks up the airplane and stands up again, the letter is hidden once more.]
It glides like a bird does.
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[He notices the letter, but he doesn't comment on it, just gesturing to the airplane.]
Yeah, but it doesn't flap its wings. That's the unique part, I think.
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[He tosses the airplane like Mandricardo did, letting it fly across the room back to the other man.]
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I'd describe it like that. Apparently in the modern era, they have giant planes that can hold lots of people. They powered by things like electricity and fuel, though.
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[Electric-powered, interestingly enough, but still. No planes.]
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[Modern times! Technology! Gotta love it!]
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Yeah. I'm a Heroic Spirit. I'm....like a magical copy of someone who was alive, but...I have all the memories, so...
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[He's going to abruptly step over to Mandricardo and try to place his hand against the man's chest. He's checking for a heartbeat, but fuuuuuuuck explaining things!]
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[what]
[WHAT]
[Sorry, Mandricardo is just freezing and yet becoming very, very red right now. He does have a heartbeat, though!]
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Magic-created or no, you're still alive.
[As if that makes a difference. (It does to him.)]
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[Oh.]
W-Well, temporarily I guess...Servants usually don't even need to eat or drink so...this may be a bit unusual...
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[He taps Mandi's chest.]
-is proof. You're not 'just a copy,' you're alive and that matters.
[He'll pull his hand back now.]
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...Um. Thank you.
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[His attention is back on the paper airplane now.]
I know how to make a swan.
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Can you show me?
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[And then he just. Stands there. Waiting expectantly.
He needs a piece of paper.]
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[He tears out a piece of paper! Here u go.]
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Oh, that looks nice...
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[He holds out the swan for Mandricardo to take.]
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A pity it can't fly like the airplanes...but it's pretty all the same.
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[WHOAH]
Should we find some water, then...?
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[There is a wholeass pool, but Lalli isn't going to suggest that one.]
w1 wednesday
Ah...they ran out of meat...
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Indeed! How is a king ever to feed himself around this wretched place-!
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You're a king? Why didn't you say that before?
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[>8/]
Regardless, a king I am, and a king I shall always be.
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[A pause.]
A king of what?
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I am King of the Tatars. I hail from a land to the west of Europe, and that is the land I rule over.
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[Europe's been dead for a while bruh.]
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That...that is in Europe.
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...then I guess we're from the same area, kind of. But different times.
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And what sort of sickness was that?
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Oh dear. What...kind of monsters?
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[U ever seen a bog zombie, Mandi?]
w2 sunday
[Mandricardo has seen better days, for sure.]
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Lalli sees Mandricardo, and he actually stops for a moment. He turns and walks away.
A minute later he comes in with some paper towels from the bathroom and offers them wordlessly to Mandricardo.]
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[He's actually so surprised by the appearance of Lalli AND the offered towels that he just stares at him for a long moment.]
Oh. Um. [Uh.] T-Thank you.
[He'll take them after a pause, dabbing at his eyes.]
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[He! Is helping!
He's also going to pat Mandricardo on the shoulder too, because touch week. And comforting is good? Yes, this is how you comfort an upset person.]
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[This is a LOT coming from Lalli.]
I feel...a bit better now. I guess.
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Take your time. You still look like a mess.
[...Not right at this moment though whoops.]
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[He isn't even going to argue.]
That was...a mess and a half.
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[He's keeping his hand on Mandricardo's shoulder for a moment.]
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[He reaches for the hand on his shoulder, gently.]
You doin' okay?
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As okay as anyone can be right now, I guess.
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So...not really that okay at all. Like me.
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[Even though he should be out since it's pride month.]
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[introvert power....yay..................also wtf lalli come out]
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[No never, he hasn't even smooched yet.]
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...How many weights do you have, Lalli?
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Everyone has them, especially here. The weeks haven't been easy.
[The non-answer is an answer in of itself.]
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...They have not, no. But...we need to get by, somehow.
We...can't give up.
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We can't. But just because something is hard doesn't mean people will give up. They just have to keep going.
w2 monday or tuesday
[When he sees Lalli, he gives a wave.]
Yo.
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Hi.]
Why the hat?
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[And he just looks embarrassed.]
I...don't know, exactly. I have my theories...
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What's your theory?
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Didn't go to class...
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[He will come over to pat Mandricardo on the shoulder.]
It's alright.
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[And a little shrug of the shoulders. Now he knows! CLASSES=GOOD.]
What do ya got, there?
Week 3, Friday
[Since. Bodies were found. And Mandricardo is sensitive.]
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are YOU okay though i was worried
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Not looking forward to tomorrow though.
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not looking forward to it either. i'm so tired
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Sleep for today, and be ready for tomorrow. You can make a fort for everyone in the common room, we did that in Fall dorm.
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i guess that's not a bad idea.
i'm glad you're doing okay lalli. every time people come out of those things is like having a heart attack
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[Fall dorm Family dorm.]
Thank you? For worrying about me.
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and you don't need to thank me? you were hurt
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people keep telling me that i'm kind
its hard for me to believe
but i appreciate that you think so
thank you
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so deep down i just assume i'm doing everything for myself
in my life i did a lot of bad things too so it just adds to that feeling that people are seeing something that isn't there
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And if you were actually selfish, would you care that you are acting selfishly?
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maybe? i don't know
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you're pretty nice, you know that?
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People don't usually say that about me.
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you look out for me
so that's nice
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Thank you.
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Week 4, Monday
What even is the purpose of this thing?
[Time for two Olds to figure out a lazy river!]
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[THRONE OF HEROES HELP HIM NOW.....no, nothing]
A...moat?
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[His emotions are basically saying I LITERALLY HAVE NO IDEA]
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It does have weird colored bumps on it. Maybe that's what makes it special.
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I'm pretty sure people just use those to climb. Like rocks. It's a rock wall.
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But there's no platform at the top. Is it just to practice?
w4 post execution
is it true you have a cat?
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[He sends Mandi a picture of her too, since she's napping on the couch next to Lalli.]
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i know this is a weird thing to ask out of the blue but
can i pet her? (does she like pets?)
i think i just need to distract myself with something
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Where are you? I can bring her to where you are.
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...hi.
[That's Lalli not Kissa. Kissa can't talk.]
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[Mandricardo is not crispy, but...he's definitely not back to what he usually was. His face is still somewhat burned, with visible bandages going underneath his loose shirt, wrapped around his arm and palms of his hand.]
[He smiles a little when he sees Lalli.]
Wow. Even cuter in person.
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[Those burns look painful, wow.
Lalli does step in and goes to set Kissa down on Mandricardo's bed though. Mandi deserves all the comfort he can get.]
...are you in pain right now?
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...Yeah. [He says, like an admission.] Yeah, I am.
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If you want, when you're done petting Kissa, I can use my sensory deprivation coupon on you. Then you won't feel anything for a day.
[But petting Kissa comes first, because Mandi deserves to feel the rumbling purrs that come from her when she sprawls over his lap for pets.]
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[He seems reluctant, and...a bit guilty, with that?]
[He's wincing a little at the pressure, but warm cat is good.]
I never did ask. How have you been, Lalli...? I mean. Besides. All of that the last two days.
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I think everyone has had a bad last couple of days. But before Friday it was...nice, I suppose. Sometimes during the week it's easy to forget how horrible the weekends are.
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[A short laugh, without feeling.]
Feels like forever ago that we had that date auction.
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[It's the closest Lalli had to a laugh without feeling. A 'mmm' without feeling.]
Thinking about something from then?
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[He shrugs at that.]
I just...remember Wang Lu taking me to the buffet. [And now sadness comes again.] He shows me a picture that told me that...ha. His "handholding rights" were for me, and me alone.
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Probably because you're special to him. Sometimes people are like that, they only like touching specific people.
[So says someone who is like that too.]
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I've never felt like anyone ever saw me as...special, in that way.
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[Implying that nobody else does. Or maybe not, Lalli isn't THAT mean.]
And if he saw something special, then there's something special there.
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I think everyone...deserves to have someone think they're special, honestly.
[Best feeling in the world! If that person ISN'T DEAD.]
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[Like if Mandi is missing Wang Lu and needs support that's one thing, but Lalli is suspicious of Mandi's motives here.
Partially because of Things and him hoping that he's not being obvious, he's very self-conscious about it.]
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[he is]
[genuinely confused]
[he has literally no ic idea about lalli and kon i am crying]
I-I'm sorry. I'm just...thinking about him. I shouldn't have brought it up.
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No, it's fine. You miss him, right? So you should talk about him. People don't really 'die' until the living stop talking about them anyway.
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[There's a long pause.]
In my life, I messed up when it came to how I grieved. My father died, and I...lost myself. [A shake of the head.] Unlike that time, there's no battles to lose myself in. And I...want to grieve properly. I'm afraid I'll go insane if I don't.
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[Lalli no that's not healthy at all.
Though the way he's speaking with such authority on the subject of "loved ones dying" might be concerning.]
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I actually...think that might be worse, Lalli. It may seem like its easier, I think, but...it hurts worse when you dig it up.
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I just expect him to pop up with that dumb look on his face like. Pretending he's not dead. Even though I know he is.
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[The one thing saving Lalli from a complete mental breakdown here: the fact that the dead might not actually be fully dead.]
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And what if we mess up and that doesn't happen?
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[It's hard not to regard death so lightly when you're from a death world.]
We all die. What's important is making your death matter.
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In a place like this, does our death even matter, Lalli?
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[He says that immediately, and firmly.]
Our last moments define the legacy we leave behind for those who come after us. I don't know about you I'm not going to have my legacy end up being "he was a coward who accepted his death without accomplishing anything of note". If I have to die, I'm going to make it count.
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[Oh, that's a deadpan laugh from Mandricardo - his eyes are dark.]
I died in a valiant duel against a man who I thought I could easily defeat. I was mighty, and ferocious, and fought with all my skills.
[...]
And then I died even after all of that, even after using all my strength, and it didn't mean a thing. My legacy was nothing. It's nothing. So "our last moments define the legacy we leave behind...?" What is that crap?
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I'm just nothing but a magical copy that's fated to disappear soon, anyways.
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[Yeah, maybe there's a point, there.]
I'm just...tired of believing I'm disappointing people.
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[...................]
[.......................................]
N...o?
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[There is a sense of...not sympathy exactly, but understanding. It's fine, it's something he struggles with too.]
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...It's hard not to listen to, sometimes.
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[He feels like he deserves it.]
[He feels like he needs to suffer.]
[Maybe suffering will make everything better, somehow. He doesn't know. It's just telling himself, over and over, that somehow, he needs to make up for everything he isn't.]
I...I don't want to let anyone down, Lalli. But I'm so scared, every moment of every day, that I will.
I just...want to do my best.
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[Luckily it's not memshare week so Mandi won't get slammed with a rude memory, but instead he just gets the feeling that Lalli is going "oh same hat".]
"No mistakes." That's what I grew up hearing. That the scouts in my family have an important job, and it's so important that we have to be perfect at it. Because people die when scouts make mistakes. So, "no mistakes."
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[And a necessary responsibility, with lives at stake.]
In the midst of a plague...there's no room for error, huh.
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...the first time I made a mistake, four people died. Mistakes like that can't keep happening.
I get it, I really do. But it sounds like your enemy isn't out in the wilds, but up here.
[He points to Mandricardo's forehead.]
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[Lalli sounds like he knows what kind of responsibilities he holds. And that's right. In order to move forward, one must cross all obstacles. Even if the obstacle is yourself.]
And...yeah. Yeah, it is. [And he looks over at the other.] Does it...ever get easier?
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Eventually. Just like anything else, you have to practice.
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[He's been getting practice here, hasn't he?]
...Hm. You have a lot of experience with this kinda thing, Lalli. It's admirable.
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Don't be weird about it! It's just how it is.
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[And a light smile.]
You're pretty cool, you know.
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Well now I'm never talking to you again!
[His emotions give him away. He's embarrassed for being called cool and has gone all grumpy because of it. But he actually likes the praise, even if he can't admit to it.]
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W-What? I'm not makin' fun of you, I swear! I mean it!
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[Huff huff he's trying to explain it but he's never been good at explaining himself.]
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[CLEARLY A SOLUTION]
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I don't think most people would. You know I sleep under beds, right?
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[A pause, and there's a shift in Lalli's attitude. He's not mad or anything here, just slightly weird-feeling because nobody's called him cool before. New things mean not knowing how to feel.]
...if you want to call me cool, then that's alright. It's just strange, I'm not used to it.
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[And he thinks about it for a moment.]
If you wanted to be called anything, what would you be called?
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[That would be nice, he thinks.]
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[He opens his mouth, closes it. Seems to think, his cheeks burning a little. And then just. Goes for it.]
Okay, friend.
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Mmm, I like that. Much better.
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[He gives a thumbs up?]
We're....f....friends. We're friends, now.
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[ahhHHHHH]
Friends..........wow......
[YOU'RE THE ONE WHO CALLED HIM FRIENDS FIRST, DUMMY]
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[MANDI PLZ]
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[He hums, and then he nods.]
Yes, it's good. New friends are good. And so is having more than one.
w5 post invest
Hey. What are you doin' out here?
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[It's true, he is loitering between all of the dorms. And every time someone heads to one of the dorms he nods to himself, like he's keeping track of everyone. But he'll talk to Mandi while doing this.]
You okay?
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[...He sort of furrows his eyebrows at what should be a simple question.]
...Dunno.
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[He doesn't know if Mandi was close to Leo or Otome.]
...mmm. I don't know either.
[They can both not know!]
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[He just sips at his hot chocolate.]
...That's the general mood, I think. Just a whole lot of...dunno.
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So I don't...know what happened there.
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[Just. Saying that. And from the way he says it, it's something he's been thinking on lately.]
If someone has to die regardless, it should be anyone here. We can't say "well this person shouldn't die" when our hands are forced.
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[He mulls over those words for a moment.]
So you think someone may have had no choice, then.
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But...it's still killing. You would feel bad from that, right?
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Still, I suppose that's just a guess. Either someone justified it to themselves, or someone really did just want her dead.
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...people are going to be yelling a lot tomorrow.
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[And our sweet, sweet Beautome...]
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[He says this like this is something that hasn't occurred to him yet.]
I guess they will...do as much as they can to find the murderer.
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[He doesn't even need his future-sight-dreams to see that!]
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...Maybe we should put a no-fight policy?
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[He just blinks?]
Do you think she will agree?
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[This is all said with an air of "that's just how she is". He's not mad at her for being emotional, but he's also not one to mince words.]
Whoever murdered this week is probably going to get attacked. So you'll want to stay clear.
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[Frowning he doesn't want that!]
Okay. I want to find out who it is, though, but...that's good to know...
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[He pulls out a pocketwatch! It's the one he's had for weeks now.]
If I use it, it'll knock someone out. So if things get bad I can put her to sleep for a bit.
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Good plan. It may make people more emotional, maybe, but...it should be a start.
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[He seems. Insistent. On this point.]
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[This seems to be important so he will repeat this too!]
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Good. As long as you understand.
[It's one of the few important things Lalli took away from the Thursday meeting, so.]
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[He is just. Generally confused all the time! So!]
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w6 monday
[Even though his face is expressionless, his thoughts say it all.]
[Looks cool, but...I-I'm sure this isn't a school thing...]
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It's not too bad. Just be careful of the tires. You sink into those.
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[Really brave!]
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[...he's here, I should ask him...]
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Um. Good to know.
[.....................]
Hey! So. Um. Everything okay?
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[He said it before, he'd know more.]
...
Don't make this weird. But why did you think Kon and I had sex?
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Uh. Um.
[Hm.]
Because....when you get, uh, heated...with someone you love....and you bite them in the throes of passion, it. Er. Leaves a mark like that. On their skin. Which I saw.
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Lalli makes a slightly uncomfortable noise before speaking again.]
...are we doing it wrong if there wasn't any throes of passion?
[This is distressing to him, someone who has absolutely no sex education whatsoever.]
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[Why must he have had sex and be burdened with such knowledge.]
Lalli, that. Um. Looked very passionate?
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[It's probably me being weird again anyway.]
I refuse to believe that kissing is sex.
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[And just shaking his head.]
It isn't you being weird. I mean, yeah. Kissing isn't all that sex is. But people have different wants and needs when it comes to that stuff. You aren't weird if there's things you are and aren't comfortable with, y'know?
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[It's still weird, having his insecurities heard so clearly and addressed. And Lalli is tempted to respond by avoiding that point entirely, but it won't actually help much at all.]
I don't know anything about it.
[He's actually not being dismissive, he's honestly admitting to knowing nothing.]
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[Well. Who else will ask, or even answer this kind of thing for Lalli?]
Do you...want to know more about it?
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[That's his way of saying he does have questions, yes.]
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[Hoooo. Yeah. Awkward topic, but...he's not the type to leave Lalli behind on this.]
Let's find a place to sit and you can, um, ask me questions, okay? Though I'll warn ya, coming here was the first time I did it with a guy. I only had experience with women when I was alive.
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[Just. So Mandi gets an idea of just how little Lalli knows.
But yeah they can go find a bench to sit down on for now.]
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[Anyways, here they are, sitting on a bench.]
So. Um. I guess I have to ask. Is there anything off the bat you want to know?
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...how, I guess? You don't have to give details, but just. It's two men. And no vaginas. ...at least not in this case.
[His understanding of sex is very much from procreation standpoint, sorry.]
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[His face is definitely very red at this.]
No vaginas, no. But you have the....I don't know the medical term. A...nal? Anus? As far as an opening you could, er, use. For one.
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There's got to be other ways besides that.
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[Wow, thought share is now sharing an image of a man performing a blowjob on another guy! Thanks, thought share!!!]
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Don't show it! That's private!
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[Just putting his hands against the sides of his face and staring down at the ground.]
Anyways, that's. Um. Another way! It feels good when you're...stimulated like that.
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I can't ask Kon to do that! It doesn't matter if it feels good, I'll die asking!
[Yeah surprise he's been thinking about this ever since Saturday.]
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[Mandricardo is the type of friend who like. Bypasses his own social anxiety if he sees someone else suffering from Anxiety like no. Stop that.]
Lalli...I mean, sex can be about just askin' for it...but most of the time, it's a natural thing that sort of happens as like...a progression of things. Like, um. You kissing Kon at that party. Were you feelin' overwhelmed?
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Mhmm. It was weird, we hold hands and kiss all the time and it's not a problem, but that-
[-like wearing an itchy shirt and just wanting to rip it off but you can't because it's your own skin-]
-mmm.
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[Hmm.]
Would you have preferred it if he took it slower, maybe?
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Alright, I understand.
...thanks?
[He's not sure if he should be thanking Mandi for this talk, but the thought is there.]
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[And he's looking seriously at Lalli.]
If he ever makes you feel like you're forced into it, or he makes you uncomfortable just so he can get what he wants out of ya...you have every right to leave and tell him to fuck off, okay?
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[A beat. He's remembering the images from earlier.]
But don't, um. Run away. Just say it.
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He has to respect you, but you have to respect him too. Running away is like...slappin' him in the face. Believe me, I know how hard it is to say stuff, but...if you love him, you should try to.
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...I know. This stuff is important, that's why I asked.
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If I can help you, then...I'm glad. You and Kon are good together.
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[And Mandi is easy to bully so he's not worried about him blabbing any of this to anyone.]
...I don't really know what 'good together' is, but being near him is nice.
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[One of them was the experienced one with that stuff, and it wasn't Mandricardo.]
[But he smiles slightly at that.]
He makes you feel safe, doesn't he?
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[Flashbacks to how he keeps tucking himself against Kon and holding his hand when he's worried or anxious. Kon's so much bigger than him that it's easy to do.]
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[A light smile.]
He's a really kind guy. And I think he must feel lucky to have you.
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[He seems a little antsy, and Mandi will be able to catch a flash of -can't talk about that- before Lalli stands up suddenly.]
Let's do the obstacle course.
[Topic change time! Feelings are too hard!]
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[Being in love is exciting and nerve-wracking so, like...yeah, I get it.]
Um. Sure. Race ya?
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Mhmm. First to the end wins.
[I'll be nice and see if he can keep up first.
Yeah he's totally underestimating Mandi whoops.]
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[That's definitely a smirk on his face when he hears that thought.]
See you in the dust, Lalli.
[A little salute-! And HE'S OFF LIKE A ROCKET. The power of Agility Rank A! He's pretty good and nimble when it comes to the obstacle course, too.]
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That makes Lalli smirk, and then he takes off too. He's not strong, but he's fast and soon enough he'll be catching up to Mandi. Agility Rank A, meet Agility Rank S.]
w6 post invest
Oh! Oh. Sorry. Hey, Lalli. My...mind's all over the place.
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Lalli nods, but he's still going to bother Mandi.]
Let's sit down over there.
[He points to a nearby tree.]
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[Tree time! He's sitting, just drawing his knees up to himself.]
...You doing okay, Lalli?
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[It wasn't Kon. But Lalli quickly shoves that thought out of his mind, because wow now he feels guilty. Manwol was his friend and dormmate, and Sakyou was alright.]
Don't like the trials.
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[Yeah. It wasn't Kon. He thinks, tiredly. But it was Sakyou. It was Manwol. Sakyou especially...........]
...I don't like the trials, either. But we have to focus on those.
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[He hears that! And he feels even guiltier now. He shouldn't be prioritizing people here, and yet he's doing just that.]
We can do it. We've done it before.
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[He rests his chin on his knees with a sigh.]
I...I don't want to fail my friends.
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[-can't do both at the same time-
He's shaking those thoughts out of his mind.]
We'll succeed. For both of them.
w6 sunday
[When he sees Lalli, he blinks.]
...Hey.
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When Lalli hears that, he stops with what he's doing. He does look a little cautious, but his thoughts give him away right away.
-should give everyone more time first-]
...hi.
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[He stares at him for a moment.]
Can I ask you a question, Lalli?
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[Questions are a problem, it's usually that Lalli either doesn't understand what's being asked or that he gives incomplete answers.]
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Who were you protecting with that stunt?
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[He has since learned it was actually Dimitri.]
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[He's silent for a moment after that.]
Is she your friend?
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When we went on that field trip, we were put into fake lives and got fake memories to go with it. And there, we had been friends since we were babies.
The memories are faded now, but she never stopped being important to me. I'd do anything for her.
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[I hate this place.]
I see. [His face is still just. Expressionless.] I understand.
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[Anger's normal, it ebbs and flows and someday it will die down so we can talk normally again.]
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[And his eyebrows furrow at the thought.]
...At this point, Lalli...I think I've had enough with giving people chances.
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Despite how violently the thoughts in his head react to that, Lalli just looks away and takes in a steadying break.]
...okay.
[He hates it, but he'll accept it.]
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I don't think you're a bad person, Lalli. And I'm...really happy for you and Kon.
[He is, sincerely. He still is.]
But what you pulled yesterday was a dumbass move. And I hope you understand that. I get where it was coming from, but...the point stands.
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[He kind of gets people feeling strong emotions at the moment, but Lalli is also one who, despite being prickly to strangers, doesn't genuinely hate anyone. And he doesn't understand why one bad weekend (from his point of view) would get this kind of a reaction. Especially if Mandi is saying he doesn't think Lalli is a bad person.]
But I was always told "you don't have to understand the 'why'. Just do it." So if it's what you're saying, I'll listen to you.
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[He looks....so exhausted.]
...I just.......I'm tired of people walking all over me. I'm tired of people letting themselves be selfish. And that's...not a bad thing. But if they want what they want, and I don't agree with that, I'm tired of making excuses for them. I'm tired of pretending I'm not hurt.
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[...]
Then be hurt. Say you're hurting. That's okay. It's not selfish to say that.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry that we ended up in a place where someone had to get hurt, and that I'm the one who made you hurt because of it. And I'm sorry that I can't understand you better than I do. That I can't always see you're hurting just by looking at you, and that sometimes you have to tell me for me to get it.
I just wanted-
[Stop. Let him be angry. It's his right.]
...
I'll leave you alone now.
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[He just lets out a frustrated noise.]
It's not about you, Lalli! It's about me. It's just about me.
[He shakes his head.]
Imagine if...someone killed Kon. And then because you...felt like you had to, you just shoved everything back! You pretended it was okay! And people just let you feel that, because it was so nice for them not to have to acknowledge that. I was the one who didn't speak up! I was the one who failed myself....I did...
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It changed everything. But it was easier to pretend everything was okay than it was to try and communicate through a language barrier.
[He doesn't have to imagine a 'what if' situation here.]
You didn't fail yourself. You were hurting and did what you could to keep going, right? That's not failure, that's survival.
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[So Lalli understands that...he gives him a sympathetic look.]
Survival can mean only so much when you're sabotaging yourself every day, Lalli. It feels like I've been cutting off pieces of myself just to make everyone happy.
[And he's done with that. He's become bitter. He doesn't want to be selfless anymore.]
People have their own loved ones. Their own worlds. I'm not going to sacrifice myself anymore just to see if I can be a part of that.
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[Friends...]
[.....]
[He just starts. Crying. Sorry, Lalli.]
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[He is internally panicking because he has absolutely no idea if he should step in to help Mandi or if this is one of those times he should walk away. His brain is saying "he already told you what to do" and his heart is saying "oh no my friend is crying I have to help".
He might regret it later but for now he's going to listen to his heart, and he pulls the sleeve of his shirt up over his thumb and steps in to try and dry Mandi's tears. But he's also moving slowly enough for Mandi to tell him no if he doesn't want help.]
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[He just keeps shaking his head.]
[You don't need to waste your time on me. Please.]
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And he's still standing there, wiping at the tears on Mandi's face.]
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[He grits his teeth.]
Just...just give me some time, okay, Lalli? [Because his emotions are really doing a number on him from those thoughts, wow!!] Just...give me some time....
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[That's where he pulls away, because 'give me time' means space too in Lalli's mind.]
We have time.
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[I keep hurting people, don't I?]
...Yeah. [And he's standing up, shaking his head. You're my friend.] Time. That's right.
[And he's walking away, bye!]